“Life is what happens to you while you’re making other plans.”
This quote, typically attributed to John Lennon, is meant to be a gentle warning. We can’t control or anticipate everything that happens in our lives. As much as we’d love predictability, life is full of surprises—and sometimes, the best action is to accept that fact as-is.
If we wanted to change this quote up a bit while still retaining some of its meaning, we might also say, “Life is what happens to you while you’re not present.” To be present is to pay attention to the here and now. To notice what’s happening around you, and to appreciate it.
Sounds great, right? The only problem is that many of us aren’t exactly sure how to be present. There are so many distractions, stress, and anxiety in our everyday lives that it’s tough to focus on the moment we happen to find ourselves in. We’re either living in the past—thinking about a situation we wish we would have handled better—or living in the future (how many times have you thought about an upcoming vacation in the middle of a work meeting? I won’t tell).
The good news is that you can make a conscious effort to live in the moment. Here are a few strategies I use when I feel like my mind is wandering too far away from the present:
Set distraction-free goals
As handy as our phones, tablets, and computers are, they’re also one of the biggest causes of our distraction. I also know—from experience—how not helpful it is to say, “Okay, I just won’t use my devices as much.”
So, what does work? Committing to short bursts of distraction-free time. For a specific amount of minutes, make the choice to set down your phone and close your computer. Personally, I love the Focus Keeper app, which gives you 25 minutes of focused time and a built-in five-minute break right after.
Sometimes, staying distraction-free means literally keeping your devices in a physical space away from you (a bedroom, the kitchen) where you won’t be tempted to look at them. As it gets easier to be present in the moment, consider extending your technology breaks for longer periods of time. Try not to look at your computer or phone while you’re eating lunch, or commit to going for a walk without listening to music or podcasts.
It’s also good to remember that distractions can be of the non-electronic variety, too. If you’re a reader, try putting your book down when you eat breakfast. If your spouse or partner is trying to talk to you while you’re making a grocery list, think about putting your pen down for a bit. It seems obvious, but taking these baby steps to reduce distractions can make it much easier to focus on what’s happening in the present.
Concentrate on one task at a time
What are you doing as you read this blog? I’m willing to bet you’re not sitting at your computer, in silence, as you read and absorb every word (although selfishly, I hope that’s exactly what you’re doing!).
Chances are, you’re listening to music, eating a snack, or clicking between a few open browser tabs. In fact, you might be doing all three simultaneously! And, I get it: it’s tough not to multitask. There just aren’t enough hours in the day, and we’ve been told for decades that multitasking makes us more productive humans.
In reality, multitasking is a myth. Doing it all at once is the best way to get nothing done. Instead, consider practicing monotasking—the practice of dedicating yourself to one task at a time—and minimizing disruptions until the task is done.
I recently read an Inc. article on monotasking and loved this quote from Bryant Adibe, M.D.: “At the end of our lives, no one will remember how quickly we responded to emails, and no one on their deathbeds asks for more time to sit through another budget meeting. Instead, we look for more time to do and experience the things that give us a sense of meaning and purpose. That is the core of monotasking—it is about rethinking the way we work so that we can more meaningfully engage with our environment.”
Create opportunities for observation
Make it a habit to build pockets of observation into your daily life. For example, when was the last time you:
Stopped and smelled your coffee, instead of just drinking it?
Considered the softness of your pet’s fur as you’re absentmindedly petting them?
Made it a point to hear sounds that might always be present, but you’ve tuned them out—birds chirping outside your window, your kids laughing in the other room, or the crunch of snow under your feet as you take a walk?
These might seem like small things, but taking the opportunity to be intentional about slowing down and observing can help us be more “in the moment” when it comes to the other parts of our lives.
Practice active listening
Ever heard the phrase, “are you listening, or are you waiting to talk?” That’s the key difference between active and inactive listening.
Active listening is the cornerstone of any personal and professional relationship. It’s the way to give your conversations full attention and really connect with the person you’re speaking with. And, it also helps to truly “listen” to the speaker—not only by hearing what they’ve said but by paying attention to their body language.
Some of the techniques for practicing active listening include:
Looking at the speaking directly
Showing interest in the conversation through verbal and non-verbal cues—nodding your head, asking questions, etc.)
Paraphrasing the conversation and reflecting on what’s already been said
Withholding judgment—or a rebuttal
Doing your best to set aside distracting thoughts—or tuning out environmental factors
Being present is the best gift you can give
As corny as it sounds, being present is…a present. Being in the moment is one of the best gifts you can give the people around you. And, with a little practice, being present can be your new normal—allowing you to better connect with those around you—and yourself.
Coaching can certainly help you focus more on the present, too. If you’re curious about what coaching might look like for you, feel free to book a Discovery Call with me to find out more.
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