One of my saboteurs—and I’m sure I’m not alone here—is being a Pleaser. I want people to like me (I think most of us do!) and as a result, I’m often helping and rescuing others before I help myself. Helping people put their oxygen masks on before my own, metaphorically.
Being a Pleaser is tough for a few reasons:
✔️Sometimes there are situations where I can’t express my needs openly, so wind up doing so indirectly—and then get frustrated when people don’t notice my effort
✔️ I put other people’s needs ahead of my own often—and even though I make the choice to do it, I get resentful when my own needs aren’t met
✔️I get into this “If I don’t rescue people, who will?” mentality—and helps me to justify my behavior
When you don’t express your own needs, it starts to take a toll on you—and often, it manifests in feeling resentful and guilty. And that’s really in competition with the 'good feeling' you have when helping others.
Luckily, this saboteur is not as powerful as my first two, but I still need to be careful. I have to remind myself that people are naturally creative, resourceful, and whole so I can 'be with' someone without trying to 'fix it.'
Do you see this in yourself? It can get in the way of you taking care of yourself—and it can lead to burnout and obligation that are not necessary.
I’d love to know: how have you been able to dial down your Pleaser tendencies?
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